eyes filled with wonder

My alarm sounds, pulling me from dream land. 

It's Christmas morning.

 

I rub the sleep from my eyes and am soon fully awake, anticipation of the day filling my heart. There's gifts to be opened, gifts to be given, an abundance of food to be eaten, and a wonderful family to make memories with. I feel so blessed, and simply cannot wait for the day to start. I'll be brutally honest - I love Christmas. It doesn't matter how old I get, but this season never fails to leave me breathless with wonder and excitement. This time of year makes me feel like a kid all over again. Perhaps it's because my love language is gift giving, which complements the Christmas season perfectly. Or maybe it's because these cold winter evenings are simply perfect for curling up with a good book, a steaming cup of tea or hot chocolate warming your hands. Or maybe it's because of the twinkling lights and carefully decorated trees that are seen all over town. Or maybe it's because it's such a beautiful time that is filled with significance. And maybe, just maybe, it's all of those things at once.

But now Christmas is coming to an end. There are only hours left before the day comes to a close. It truly has been a beautiful day, and the snapshots that now dance through my mind bring a smile to my face. The looks of joy as presents are torn open with excitement. The laughter that rings out as we  go about the day. The precious time spent with everyone gathered around the table. Every moment of it was precious. Yet now it must take it's place in the hall of memories, as all Christmas' past have done and every one henceforth will do.

There is something truly special about Christmas. It's a time to refocus and remember the most important gift of all. A gift that has never been surpassed, and never will be. A gift sent out of love from our Heavenly Father. Take a moment with me to stop and soak this amazing, breathtaking truth, because it has the power to change lives. We as humans really messed this world up. We turned from our Creator, our Lover, and our Father. We decided that we wanted to go our own way, and take a path that was leading us straight to death. Yet our loving Father didn't give up. Instead, He sent His son, Jesus, to fulfill the debt we could never repay. He gave us the gift of redemption - we can once again come into His presence pure, holy, and redeemed. This is love. This is the reason we celebrate. 

So even as this Christmas season comes to a close and a new year begins, don't forget. Please, don't forget. Yes, the lights and trees may be taken down and carefully packed away until next December, but the real reason we celebrate is something we can celebrate every day...

We have a Savior. And His name is Jesus.

the starting of a new season

My journal has been left to collect dust, and this little blog has been brushed into the corner, hidden beneath a to-do list that seems to have no end. I've had more people than I can count in front of my camera as of late, but rarely has it been picked up to capture the beauty of daily life.

These past few months have been full of learning and growing. Starting a portrait photography business has pushed me outside my comfort zone in more ways than I can count. It's been extremely difficult at times, yet I love it. I love telling people's stories and capturing the unique personality of each person I have the honor of photographing. But I've also realized that somewhere along the way I've neglected to do many of the other things that I love doing - things that put a smile on my face. Writing, blogging, capturing the beauty of daily life, and telling stories.

I don't want to limit my photography to portraits, but also use my camera to share stories of a different kind. I long to tell compelling stories - ones that grab people's hearts and challenge them to take action. They say that "a picture is worth a thousand words", which is quite true, but I also believe that photography and writing can go hand in hand, complementing each other to tell powerful stories. Stories of redemption, love, and God's power - spreading hope. Stories of real people, facing real circumstances - raising awareness. I love putting words together, and although my writing may be a bit rusty from lack of use as of late, it's still a passion of mine.

So I'm blowing the dust from the journal, picking up a pen and starting to write again.
I'm getting behind the camera and shooting to capture those little moments.
I'm going to begin gathering the needed tools for telling compelling stories.

And in it's own way - it's like a breath of fresh air.

Stay tuned, because more than likely, this new season is going to bring a few changes around here as well! I'm not yet sure exactly how this will look, or when it will happen - but I'm excited about the possibilities...

adventures

I fancy myself a traveller, of sorts. Toting bags through the never ending maze of airport terminals and navigating new and exciting places becomes more and more familiar with every adventure. Racing down the runway before soaring into the sky like a bird has never lost it's thrill, and the patchwork pattern on the ground below never fails to leave me breathless at the creativity of my Father.

I breathe in the crisp mountain air of Oregon, and almost wish I could pack up everything and live here forever. From the majestic, snow-topped peaks to the dry, desert-like valleys, everything is simply beautiful. No matter where I turn, natural beauty seems to envelop me. Never before have I seen landscape that is quite so captivating all the way to the horizon in every direction.

But in the end, I know I'm ready for home again. Yes, my heart seems to be scattered around the world in a million little pieces - but every time I leave, it's inevitable that my heart starts to wander back to the place I came from. 

I see you

It was two days before I was leaving to fly out of state, and I was stressed out. I still had packing to finish (which meant I first needed to start), tasks to finish for my photography business, last minute shopping to do, and everything seemed overwhelming. It was just one of those days - and it wasn't even noon yet.

I sat at the edge of our porch, scrubbing the dirt off my work boots, and I felt God's gentle reminder being whispered to me, “I see you.” I had read in my Bible the story of Hagar the morning before, and it was like a breath of fresh air to be reminded of this truth and see it applied to my own life. Hagar really had no voice in her circumstances – she was a slave, and was being abused and mistreated by her mistress. So she did the only thing that seemed reasonable – run away. But an angel of the Lord met her on the road, right where she was at. He told her to go back to her mistress; back to the exact same circumstances she had just fled from. But this time, she went back with this promise written on her heart, “You are the God who sees me.”

And this was the same promise that God whispered to my heart, “I am the God who sees you.” It didn't change the circumstances of my day – I still had a long list that needed to be accomplished. No, nothing changed about the day...except my outlook. All it took was that simple reminder: that God knows, and cares about, each detail of my day. He sees my stress, my frustration, my excitement, my joy.

I can't quite explain it, but the peace and joy that flowed out of that truth put a song in my heart. 

longing for home

"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

Etched deep within the heart of every person is a longing for home.

Fernweh could most simply be described as "the feeling of being homesick for abroad". Glancing across the large world map laid out in front of me, I know I've felt that many times. I wish I were here, I wish I were there - I think you get the idea. Right now, with my family, I feel at home - and yet I also use that word to describe a place that is thousands of miles away, beyond the borders of the States, and into the country of South Africa. And I know how easy it would be for other locations throughout my lifetime to become "home" as well. The problem is, I can only be one place at a time. And so starts the vicious cycle of "I wish I were here" or "I wish I were there". I could travel the entire globe, and yet never find a place that fully satisfies that desire.

I'm realizing just how true it is that we were not made for this world. It never can, and was never meant to, fully satisfy my longing for home. Traveling new places and meeting new people can most certainly be life changing, but chasing after a place on this earth that completely fulfills that desire is like chasing after the wind. No such place exists in this life. And yet God is teaching me to be content right where I am. My satisfaction shouldn't be in my location, but in the One who has saved me and given purpose to this life. This is home...for now. And if He leads me somewhere new, that will be home too. I have to remind myself that no place on earth is meant to quench that longing.

And you know what? I'm sure that longing will always be there in this life, simply as a daily reminder that I'm just passing through this earth - like a traveler on a journey. My heavenly home awaits.

being present

A deep breath. A fresh point of view.
Every now and then I need both.

If you have a personality similar to mine, then you probably know the feeling. The to-do list is long, the days are short, and only so much can be squeezed into twenty-four hours. That feeling of accomplishment comes from having each item of the list checked off - and then being able to add more items and check them off too. And while it is important to get stuff done, I'm learning that it's also important to simply enjoy the moment. To be present. I want to soak up the beauty of each moment, because it's going to be gone in the blink of an eye. Kids are going to grow up. Summer has silently slipped into the beginnings of autumn. I can accomplish a list of items - but is it worth it if I'm too busy to spend time cultivating deep relationships?

I want to be present. In my family. In my friendships.
I don't want to miss a single opportunity.

the quest

 

 

//  Once upon a time we went on a quest, in search blackberries. Not the sort that grow in tidy rows in well tended gardens. The sort that grow tangled and twisted, as if guarding the woods and fences beyond. Within these thorny fortresses hide tiny jewels, bursting with flavor. As we searched, some were plucked and promptly placed in a bucket, while others wandered to our lips. Even so, the result of this quest was a pail full of berries; and no small amount of juice-stained fingers.  //

Discipleship Training School - South Africa

I'm not one to post "advertisements", but this one is an exception as it is especially close to my heart. I was recently informed that there are still spaces left in the upcoming Discipleship Training School being held in White River, South Africa - and so they are still accepting student applications. This is the same program I did while in Africa, and God used it in my life in amazing ways. That being said, it's definitely not for everyone, and it's by no means the only way to grow in your walk with God! It's simply one of the ways that God has worked in my own life. If this does interest you, I'd encourage you to check it out! You can find more information at http://tenthousandhomes.org/get-involved/compassion-dts/

embrace the beauty of this season

"You can't relive the past."

This phrase is usually connected with things we wish we could change or circumstances we wish we would have handled differently. But lately, it's taken on a new meaning for me. One that is almost harder to deal with at times.

There are some amazing, beautiful seasons of life that come and go. For me, spending five months in Africa is an experience I will never, ever forget. It was life changing. But if I allow my mind to stay in that season, I miss out on the beauty of this one. I miss out on the joy held within the precious moments that slip through my fingers like grains of sand. It's so easy to start comparing life as it is now to life as it has been in the past. To wish that things were different, or that I could go back.

I've come to realize that I can't relive the time I spent in Africa. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and things will never be the same. Honestly, it hard to accept that sometimes because those memories are so close to my heart. Their roots go deep. There is often a sweet sadness I experience as I see the pictures of those precious children or think of all the memories that are build within those months. A sweet sadness, knowing that that season is over, never to be relived again. But there is also a tingle of excitement mixed in, because I know that there are new adventures, new seasons, still to come. They won't be the same as Africa, but they will be beautiful in their own special way. I don't want to miss out on them because I'm too busy dwelling on the past.

I'm sure that you also have seasons of life you wish you could relive. Maybe it was time spent overseas. Or maybe it was a vacation you took. Or maybe you've recently moved and you miss the place you left behind. Change is inevitable in this life - you can't avoid it no matter how hard you try. In this time of change, I'm learning that there is great power in thankfulness. God took me on that adventure for a reason, and so I choose to be thankful for that time. I choose to be thankful for the lessons learned and the memories made. It's not an easy choice, but it's necessary in order to move on and face each new season with eager expectation. Being thankful allows me to cherish the memories and yet not hold onto them so tightly that I forget that God is doing a new thing in my life at this very moment. Something bigger than I see - something beautiful.

droplets of sunshine

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."

- L.M. Montgomery

finding purpose in daily life

The sun is slipping towards the western horizon, and house is peacefully quiet. I sit at the table, chai at hand, enjoying the stillness and watching the breeze play with the sunlit leaves outside the window. Another day is coming to a close. It was a normal sort of day with nothing much out of the ordinary. Yet as I sit here, thoughts begin to crowd my mind, begging to be put to paper. For while it was an ordinary day, I'm reminded that God uses even those to teach me and mold me.

I find that it's usually on the ordinary days that I tend to loose sight of my true purpose in life. Those day-to-day things clutter my mind, keeping me focused on simply getting through another twenty-four hours. A glance at my schedule is proof enough that my days are generally quite full. Today however, I had the privilege of having "girl-time" with a friend at the local coffee shop. These times are a highlight to my week, as I always leave them encouraged. We're simply two girls sharing about life, but I'm amazed at how it ends up a time of challenging each other in our walks with the Lord. As our conversation led from one topic to the next, there was one thing in particular that stood out to me: Our purpose in life is to love.

Loving God and loving others. That's what this life is all about. Seriously, sometimes I wonder how I can be so forgetful! In the rush of daily life, it's often these simple kinds of truths that get overlooked. In the task of processing what to do this fall or next year, it's generally not the first thought on my mind. That's why I am so thankful that God has given me friends who challenge me to get back to the basics and remember what this life is all about. God has poured out on us His unconditional love, and our purpose is to share that with others. To be so filled by His love that it flows freely from our lives, in everything we do, wherever we go. We all want to have purpose in life, but too often we search for it in the wrong places. We look for it in our jobs, in approval from others, in our talents, in ministry...the list goes on and on. But as a daughter of the King, that is not where my purpose lies.

My life isn't glamorous - it's pretty normal. Yet in this "normal" life, I have a mission and a purpose: To love as Christ loves me. It's definitely not always an easy task, yet it is so simple. Love isn't dependent on my location or what my schedule is for the day; it is to be lived out anywhere and everywhere. If you are at home with children, you can love.  If you are overseas in a foreign country, you can love. If you are working at your job, you can love. If you are in school, you can love.

Loving God and loving others. That's what this life is all about.

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

Galatians 5:6

like kingdoms of sand

It took a storm to help me realize once again the value of material possessions.
Simply put, they are worth nothing.

From late last night into the early hours of the morning, there were threats of severe weather all around. A lovely mix of thunderstorms and tornados - oh, the joys of midwest weather. Praise the Lord that most of it missed our area, but nonetheless it did get me thinking. It's eye opening to realize that you could labor your entire life to build a kingdom of security and comfort for yourself, only to have it swept away in a single night, by a single storm. The things of this world are so temporary. Uncertain. Like a kingdom built of sand, it will all crumble to pieces. And all that will be left is the eternal.

This caused me to ponder, where is my treasure? If a storm took away everything that I owned, could I still be content? I should hope so. Because in the end, it's just stuff. In light of eternity it has absolutely no value at all. The things of ultimate value, the things of God's kingdom, can never be wiped away by a storm. They will stand firmly rooted forever.

I want to live for the eternal - for that which really, truly matters. To not allow myself to be consumed by the sparkling emptiness that the world offers but to fix my eyes on that which will last forever. I've only got a few short years on this earth - a blink of an eye in comparison to eternity. So how will I spend this time? Chasing after every worthless and temporary craving of the flesh, or fixing my eyes on my Jesus and running with endurance this race marked out for me?

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

back to the start

Sometimes you simply need to take a step back and honestly evaluate where you are at.

That's what these past two weeks have been for me. A time to step back and be honest with God about where I am at in my relationship with Him. A time to re-evaluate my priorities. A time to recognize and repent of areas of sin that I have allowed into my life. It's not necessarily a pleasant process, in fact, at times it's quite messy. But it is so worth it.

Life Action Ministries recently came to my church and led two weeks of revival meetings. It gave me a much needed opportunity to be intentional and really focus on what God was trying to tell me at this time. I was excited about revival, as I knew that I needed it, but God did so much more than I expected. He reached into those deep places and lovingly exposed the shadowed corners that had been conveniently covered up and ignored for too long. I realized once again my desperate need for a Savior and my constant need for the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my daily life. Although God showed me many things, there are several in particular that are especially engrained into my mind...

//  As a child of God, I am set free from the bondage of sin. I don't sin because I have to, I sin because I choose to. Through His Spirit, God has given me the power to resist all temptation.

//  Seeking the Lord daily through intentional times of prayer, scripture meditation and memorization is vital to continued growth.

//  I need other believers, because this Christian life was not meant to be walked alone. First of all, I need God. But it is also extremely important to be in fellowship with other believers, honestly sharing my struggles - that raw, real stuff that could easily be tucked away. This takes humility, but pride and selfishness like to step in the way and create a mask. Brokenness hurts, yet it's necessary. 

//  This life is simply a blink of an eye in comparison to eternity. I need to stop living for the present and focus on living with eternity in view. 

//  God uses the trials and struggles of life to bring about Christ-likeness.

//  Dying to self is a necessary, continual process. Where pain is felt is where there is life. And where there is life is precisely where death is needed. 

Although these days have been extremely challenging, I'm excited that this is only the beginning of what God is going to continue to do. This life is a journey. A constant learning experience. I know that I have a long way to go, but I am thankful for the love, mercy, and forgiveness of my Savior. He died to save me, that I may have the honor and joy of living for Him.

I need You

when my eyes wander from the eternal to the material.
I need You.
when I can't understand why things happen the way they do.
I need You.

when it's been a long day and I just want a break.

I need You.

when the future is unclear and uncertainties await.

I need You.
when the alarm goes off at 5:00am.
I need You.

when things are sailing smoothly and everything is as planned.

I need You.
when my to-do list is never ending.

I need You.

when I fail again and again.
I need You.

every day. every minute. every moment.
Lord, I need You.

The Face of Reality

His name was Paul.

The small room was dimly lit, with the only light coming from the rays of sun that filtered through the window in the corner. Directly inside the wooden frame that served as a doorway, a single thin mattress was placed on the cement floor. On this cot lay the form of a young man who seemed to be no older than 10, yet was actually 27 years of age. He faced towards the wall and was curled up into the fetal position, a light blanket draped across his frail, emaciated body. An open sore was visible on his shoulder. The sight of it all was almost too much to take in, and I felt as if I had just been punched in the stomach. Never before in my life had I seen a human being in such horrible condition. As we knelt down to pray over him, I couldn't stop the tears. They flowed freely down my face as I was confronted with the reality of AIDS.

Her name was Joyce.

Her cot was in a small room only feet away from where Paul lay. As we walked through the door, she used the little strength she had to push herself up until she was sitting halfway. Despite the condition of her body and the disease that taunted her day after day, a brilliant smile shone from her face. It was as if a ray of hope had been placed in her very being. It's hard to understand how someone in that situation could have so much joy, yet I can't shake the fact that it was so very true and genuine in her. Most people would have simply given up, but her actions clearly showed that she was clinging to God's love, joy and peace.

Those vivid images replayed themselves over and over the entire taxi ride back to the base, and are still today deeply engrained in my mind. Before this day in Uganda, I knew that AIDS existed. During our lecture phase we had talked about it in class - I knew the facts and statistics. But that was the day that the statistics became real. AIDS is a real hurt to real people.

But the story doesn't end there. The woman caring for these two AIDS victims was no ordinary woman. From the outside there may have been nothing noticeably different, but we learned that she also was battling HIV. Unfortunately I don't remember her name, but I do remember her story and her example. I was, and am, amazed at her selflessness and genuine love for others. Yes, she was also in the midst of a life-changing reality, but she didn't put the focus on herself and her needs. Instead, she chose to reach out and love - such a beautiful picture of selfless love. It was a privilege and honor to spend time in this woman's home; to have the opportunity to pray with her and the precious people she was caring for. She was living out her faith in such a real way - in a way that puts many of us to shame.

While these situations were real, and the outcome of their stories seems certain, I don't want that to be the entire focus of this. I truly hope that by reading this you became more aware of the fact that AIDS is not just some insignificant disease out there. There are many myths, and also facts, about how it is spread and who can get it, but the bottom line is that it is a real hurt to real people. But I also hope that you are also challenged by this woman's selfless love, just as I was. This love that Christ flawlessly displayed for us is meant to be lived out by those who are His followers. How it is shown will look different for each of us, but the driving force behind it is still the same: Love others as Christ has loved you.

(re-blogged from my missions blog)