I see you

It was two days before I was leaving to fly out of state, and I was stressed out. I still had packing to finish (which meant I first needed to start), tasks to finish for my photography business, last minute shopping to do, and everything seemed overwhelming. It was just one of those days - and it wasn't even noon yet.

I sat at the edge of our porch, scrubbing the dirt off my work boots, and I felt God's gentle reminder being whispered to me, “I see you.” I had read in my Bible the story of Hagar the morning before, and it was like a breath of fresh air to be reminded of this truth and see it applied to my own life. Hagar really had no voice in her circumstances – she was a slave, and was being abused and mistreated by her mistress. So she did the only thing that seemed reasonable – run away. But an angel of the Lord met her on the road, right where she was at. He told her to go back to her mistress; back to the exact same circumstances she had just fled from. But this time, she went back with this promise written on her heart, “You are the God who sees me.”

And this was the same promise that God whispered to my heart, “I am the God who sees you.” It didn't change the circumstances of my day – I still had a long list that needed to be accomplished. No, nothing changed about the day...except my outlook. All it took was that simple reminder: that God knows, and cares about, each detail of my day. He sees my stress, my frustration, my excitement, my joy.

I can't quite explain it, but the peace and joy that flowed out of that truth put a song in my heart. 

longing for home

"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

Etched deep within the heart of every person is a longing for home.

Fernweh could most simply be described as "the feeling of being homesick for abroad". Glancing across the large world map laid out in front of me, I know I've felt that many times. I wish I were here, I wish I were there - I think you get the idea. Right now, with my family, I feel at home - and yet I also use that word to describe a place that is thousands of miles away, beyond the borders of the States, and into the country of South Africa. And I know how easy it would be for other locations throughout my lifetime to become "home" as well. The problem is, I can only be one place at a time. And so starts the vicious cycle of "I wish I were here" or "I wish I were there". I could travel the entire globe, and yet never find a place that fully satisfies that desire.

I'm realizing just how true it is that we were not made for this world. It never can, and was never meant to, fully satisfy my longing for home. Traveling new places and meeting new people can most certainly be life changing, but chasing after a place on this earth that completely fulfills that desire is like chasing after the wind. No such place exists in this life. And yet God is teaching me to be content right where I am. My satisfaction shouldn't be in my location, but in the One who has saved me and given purpose to this life. This is home...for now. And if He leads me somewhere new, that will be home too. I have to remind myself that no place on earth is meant to quench that longing.

And you know what? I'm sure that longing will always be there in this life, simply as a daily reminder that I'm just passing through this earth - like a traveler on a journey. My heavenly home awaits.

being present

A deep breath. A fresh point of view.
Every now and then I need both.

If you have a personality similar to mine, then you probably know the feeling. The to-do list is long, the days are short, and only so much can be squeezed into twenty-four hours. That feeling of accomplishment comes from having each item of the list checked off - and then being able to add more items and check them off too. And while it is important to get stuff done, I'm learning that it's also important to simply enjoy the moment. To be present. I want to soak up the beauty of each moment, because it's going to be gone in the blink of an eye. Kids are going to grow up. Summer has silently slipped into the beginnings of autumn. I can accomplish a list of items - but is it worth it if I'm too busy to spend time cultivating deep relationships?

I want to be present. In my family. In my friendships.
I don't want to miss a single opportunity.