back to the start

Sometimes you simply need to take a step back and honestly evaluate where you are at.

That's what these past two weeks have been for me. A time to step back and be honest with God about where I am at in my relationship with Him. A time to re-evaluate my priorities. A time to recognize and repent of areas of sin that I have allowed into my life. It's not necessarily a pleasant process, in fact, at times it's quite messy. But it is so worth it.

Life Action Ministries recently came to my church and led two weeks of revival meetings. It gave me a much needed opportunity to be intentional and really focus on what God was trying to tell me at this time. I was excited about revival, as I knew that I needed it, but God did so much more than I expected. He reached into those deep places and lovingly exposed the shadowed corners that had been conveniently covered up and ignored for too long. I realized once again my desperate need for a Savior and my constant need for the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my daily life. Although God showed me many things, there are several in particular that are especially engrained into my mind...

//  As a child of God, I am set free from the bondage of sin. I don't sin because I have to, I sin because I choose to. Through His Spirit, God has given me the power to resist all temptation.

//  Seeking the Lord daily through intentional times of prayer, scripture meditation and memorization is vital to continued growth.

//  I need other believers, because this Christian life was not meant to be walked alone. First of all, I need God. But it is also extremely important to be in fellowship with other believers, honestly sharing my struggles - that raw, real stuff that could easily be tucked away. This takes humility, but pride and selfishness like to step in the way and create a mask. Brokenness hurts, yet it's necessary. 

//  This life is simply a blink of an eye in comparison to eternity. I need to stop living for the present and focus on living with eternity in view. 

//  God uses the trials and struggles of life to bring about Christ-likeness.

//  Dying to self is a necessary, continual process. Where pain is felt is where there is life. And where there is life is precisely where death is needed. 

Although these days have been extremely challenging, I'm excited that this is only the beginning of what God is going to continue to do. This life is a journey. A constant learning experience. I know that I have a long way to go, but I am thankful for the love, mercy, and forgiveness of my Savior. He died to save me, that I may have the honor and joy of living for Him.

I need You

when my eyes wander from the eternal to the material.
I need You.
when I can't understand why things happen the way they do.
I need You.

when it's been a long day and I just want a break.

I need You.

when the future is unclear and uncertainties await.

I need You.
when the alarm goes off at 5:00am.
I need You.

when things are sailing smoothly and everything is as planned.

I need You.
when my to-do list is never ending.

I need You.

when I fail again and again.
I need You.

every day. every minute. every moment.
Lord, I need You.

The Face of Reality

His name was Paul.

The small room was dimly lit, with the only light coming from the rays of sun that filtered through the window in the corner. Directly inside the wooden frame that served as a doorway, a single thin mattress was placed on the cement floor. On this cot lay the form of a young man who seemed to be no older than 10, yet was actually 27 years of age. He faced towards the wall and was curled up into the fetal position, a light blanket draped across his frail, emaciated body. An open sore was visible on his shoulder. The sight of it all was almost too much to take in, and I felt as if I had just been punched in the stomach. Never before in my life had I seen a human being in such horrible condition. As we knelt down to pray over him, I couldn't stop the tears. They flowed freely down my face as I was confronted with the reality of AIDS.

Her name was Joyce.

Her cot was in a small room only feet away from where Paul lay. As we walked through the door, she used the little strength she had to push herself up until she was sitting halfway. Despite the condition of her body and the disease that taunted her day after day, a brilliant smile shone from her face. It was as if a ray of hope had been placed in her very being. It's hard to understand how someone in that situation could have so much joy, yet I can't shake the fact that it was so very true and genuine in her. Most people would have simply given up, but her actions clearly showed that she was clinging to God's love, joy and peace.

Those vivid images replayed themselves over and over the entire taxi ride back to the base, and are still today deeply engrained in my mind. Before this day in Uganda, I knew that AIDS existed. During our lecture phase we had talked about it in class - I knew the facts and statistics. But that was the day that the statistics became real. AIDS is a real hurt to real people.

But the story doesn't end there. The woman caring for these two AIDS victims was no ordinary woman. From the outside there may have been nothing noticeably different, but we learned that she also was battling HIV. Unfortunately I don't remember her name, but I do remember her story and her example. I was, and am, amazed at her selflessness and genuine love for others. Yes, she was also in the midst of a life-changing reality, but she didn't put the focus on herself and her needs. Instead, she chose to reach out and love - such a beautiful picture of selfless love. It was a privilege and honor to spend time in this woman's home; to have the opportunity to pray with her and the precious people she was caring for. She was living out her faith in such a real way - in a way that puts many of us to shame.

While these situations were real, and the outcome of their stories seems certain, I don't want that to be the entire focus of this. I truly hope that by reading this you became more aware of the fact that AIDS is not just some insignificant disease out there. There are many myths, and also facts, about how it is spread and who can get it, but the bottom line is that it is a real hurt to real people. But I also hope that you are also challenged by this woman's selfless love, just as I was. This love that Christ flawlessly displayed for us is meant to be lived out by those who are His followers. How it is shown will look different for each of us, but the driving force behind it is still the same: Love others as Christ has loved you.

(re-blogged from my missions blog)